What I Want From This

I used to be a pretty good writer.  Not great, but pretty good.  Unfortunately for me, I've wandered away from it for the usual reasons: I didn't have enough time or I didn't have anything that I needed to write or I didn't have anything to write about.  None of those reasons are true, of course.  They are simply excuses that I put forward.  That's part of the reason that I want to get back to writing.  I don't want to make excuses for anything in my life anymore.  Writing seems like a simple step to take to move towards that goal.

Even as I write this I feel like my voice has wandered away.  My writing isn't honed or precise, but I can't get back to that place without doing something to sharpen my skills.  Fortunately for me, this is a great place to do that.  Unfortunately for you, it may be a while before what I write is worth reading again.

For me, writing is a great way to process.  Actually, writing is the best way to process.  This presents some issues and, if anyone chooses to read this blog, I hope you'll forgive me in advance. I used to worry that one day my journals would be read by someone who I truly love and care about.  The worry came in thinking that they may only read a few pages or a piece of what I'd written and that it would give them the wrong impression.  Like I said, I write to process things.  The processing of said things is not always easy or pretty.  My thoughts on the modern church or social welfare or why the Rockies are a sub-.500 baseball team never fall completely on one side.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that I struggle to make black and white out of things that look gray to me.  Almost always, I will end up putting myself into one camp or the other but the progression of my thoughts and ideas, at times, ventures through areas that, in retrospect, do not reflect what I believe or think or feel.  There is a part of me that is proud of that; proud that I would be willing to at least entertain another viewpoint that, on the surface, is one that doesn't coincide with what I think I think. For me, that is the beauty of the process.  The wrestling with both sides gives me some perspective but often keeps me from resting in absolutes.  (Just an aside here:  there are definitely some things that I do rest in as absolutes.  The fact that God loves me and his desire for me to love him and love the people around me is one of those things.)

I want this blog to be open and honest about who I am, how I struggle, what I think, and who I want to be.  It will probably receive a little more filtering than my journals do, but not intentionally.  As I said, hopefully this blog turns into a running commentary on my journey towards becoming the husband, father, and man of God that I desire to be.  If you're willing to work through that with me, hopefully I can provide you with some humor at my expense along the way.